Today is Friday.  The last time I wrote was a day after my operation which was Tuesday.  I did not write Wednesday or Thursday because I couldn’t muster the strength, desire or focus.  I have to spell these days out for my own good.  Not yours.  Everything is a blur.  Thursday was the worst day I have had here at the hospital.  It’s a haze of fever, sleep, barely-there consciousness, various drugs and another ileostomy training that brought my new reality right up to my now-bearded face (I entered this hospital clean-shaven).

Yesterday afternoon, during a moment of clarity, I got a good look of myself in the mirror.  I saw the holes and scars and bruises on my body.  I saw how the swelling of my intestines was pushing my abdomen out all while weighing less than I did prior to surgery.  This experience occurred shortly after my ileostomy training with the Wound Specialist.  Yet another leak around the stoma!  This is serious stuff considering the potential of bile and waste entering my bloodstream could lead to an infection.

Oh yeah, a stoma is a part of the small intestine that leads to the outside of my body.  Food waste comes from the stoma and empties into a clear bag which must be emptied before the bag is 1/3 – 1/2 way full.  It is not the most pleasant sight nor the most pleasant topic of conversation, but here we are!  The replacement bag we attached yesterday has held up, and seems to be doing its job.  This is a good thing.  It is expected that I will have this Ileostomy for approximately two months.  As I heal up, I will be able to eat, drink and exercise just almost like everyone else. . . . only with a little bit of baggage on the side.  The majority of articles and stories I’ve read indicate this, but I have also read a couple of testimonies that indicate the opposite.  Not every person is the same, and not every person’s attention to getting healthy is the same.  I will prevail.

On a lighter note . . . . . Since I have this stoma-bag-thing installed I have to bring this up.  I’m sure you guys have heard of Phantom Limbs – the sensation that an amputated limb is still attached to the body and is working properly.  Well, I have had the sensation that I need to go Numero Dos multiple times since the operation, but nothing is there.  If I ignore it the sensation goes away eventually. It is so weird, though.  I call them Ghost Poos.

On that note, I am going to wrap things up.  This is probably my least favorite post so far.  Yesterday was emotionally tough on me.  On top of that, I am trying to force these thoughts out through a cloud of Dilaudid and Phenergan.  At least we got to talk about Ghost Poos.  That was cool.

Ghost Poo Update:  I spoke to the surgeon about this phenomenon.  It’s not a ghost, but rather bodily fluids that really are there.  It’s a healthy occurrence, actually.  So.  That was cool.